He's just not that into me

If he's not calling you, he's not interested. Is it really that simple? If all men meant what they said, exactly the way they said it, wouldn't women stop wasting their hearts on men who are just not that into them?

As a newly self-acknowledged single gal, I often find guys complicated, so I decided to watch "He's just not that into you (on Valentine's Day no less)," a movie based on a novel by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, hoping to get some insight on the ever so complex male psyche. The movie is based on an episode of Sex and the City that reveals common blind spots women develop leading to prolonged fake relationships.

He's just not into you was entertaining, but not one of my favorites especially for a chick flick. It dictates romance in black and white. If he's not calling you, sleeping with you, marrying you; he's just not that into you? That's too cut and dry for me, but of course a woman would say that considering, and I'm speaking for all womankind, we tend to over analyze a lot if not all the time when it comes to guys. As the movie points out, women constantly rationalize situations and make excuses for why their guy is this way and that, which eventually leads to living a fantasy in some cases.

It's amazing how many times we live under our interpretations of events rather than our reality. Is the truth too hard to face? Maybe he really is just not that into you. It's truly heartbreaking when you give and love completely, but it's just not reciprocated. But that's when we need to take a step back and re access the relationship-the good, the bad and the ugly.

Are we just masochists? It can be so obvious he's just not that into you, but the pursuit to get him persists. Maybe we're all just hopeless romantics so willing to put our hearts on the line even for a guy who doesn't give us the time of day. The search for Mr. right is a tangled web of heartbreak, confusion and disappointment; but it's also a disarray of excitement, enlightenment and love.

Relationships shouldn't be a game we play. If we like someone, we should tell them, and act accordingly. It's time to be real people by showing how we genuinely feel when we feel it because that special someone could be passing us by right this minute.

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Related article:
Fear of loneliness causes loveless relationships
By Melissa Chua
(Published by Daily Sundial Wednesday, November 1, 2006)

It has come to my realization just recently that there are plenty of people in relationships who lack love for each other or even the interest, whether it is physical or emotional.

Some people wonder why they are even with that person, yet they don't do anything about their doubts. They simply accept how things are and co-exist under the titles "girlfriend" and "boyfriend."

Others have been in the relationship for a few months or maybe a couple of years, so the comfort level is obviously there, but problems persist, and no resolutions or positive changes are made. The relationship is doomed to fail. Everyone around them and perhaps the two people in the relationship know it. But these same people are still together.

Why do they stay in these loveless, so-called relationships? Some stay because it's comfortable and secure. They don't like change.

Others endure the lifeless union because of loyalty to the other. Maybe one person realizes he or she is not in love with the other but does not have the heart to break it off. The reasons go on, but I think one of the main reasons for these fake relationships is the fear of being alone, which is sometimes referred to as monophobia. The fear of loneliness is very common. Nobody wants to be single. They'd rather be in a loveless or meaningless relationship than have to say, "Table for one, please."

I don't blame these people because our society has made it perfectly clear that it's better to be in a relationship than be single. Pairs get better deals with almost anything. Buy two get one free, or buy two for the price of one as opposed to buying one for the regular price. There are always special couples' prices in various recreational or entertainment situations such as restaurant deals and hotel or travel accommodations. Single people are even forced to pay more in taxes, so economically, being single can put a dent in your wallet!

Nonetheless, single life definitely has its perks. As a single woman myself, I embrace the fact that I am not attached. I don't have to deal with the drama people in relationships face, such as jealousy, double standards, hypocrisy or physical and emotional pain. Granted, there are issues single people face as well, such as feeling important, validated, or even lovable despite the current single status.

I am aware no couple is perfect but there is a fine line between constant bickering and genuine disgust for each other! Some people don't belong together, yet they constantly force a relationship with the other.

I urge people in relationships to look at themselves and their partners and honestly evaluate whether they are together for the right reasons. By the right reasons, I mean: Does she or he make you happy? Is the distribution of giving and taking equal? And simply, but importantly, do you romantically care for the person?

One of the ultimate goals in life is happiness. Why would you settle for someone mediocre when the right person who can make you so much happier could be out there? Sometimes you need to take a risk to feel the rush of real love. I think love is worth it. Don't you?

There is nothing wrong with being single. Being unattached allows more time and freedom for personal growth. Alone time is necessary every now and then because it instills independence, which I think is an essential life tool. Oftentimes, people in relationships get so caught up in the other person that they lose parts of themselves that once defined them. Being single permits an individual to focus more on her or his goals and dreams without any hesitations a relationship may provoke. Also, when you are single, you are not completely alone because you still have your friends. Sometimes friends can make you feel as happy as a boyfriend or girlfriend can.

Don't get me wrong. There are many days I wish I had a significant other. However, I choose to be single and dependent on myself rather than have even a slightest reliance on a guy to determine how happy I am or can be.

Life is too short to waste your time on empty relationships. Life should be enjoyed, and if you want to share it with someone romantically, make sure that person makes you happy.